The Scoop

DISCLAIMER: The text hereinafter included need not be true, false, or partly true or partly false, but may indeed be partly, if not completely, somewhere in the middle of truth and, uh, the opposite of truth. The text does not necessarily represent the opinion of the author or any other law student, but indeed does purport to do so with a strange sort of vehemence and utter despair. Any objections or disapproval, mild, bitter, profane, or otherwise, may be swallowed whole, for the ears that they shall fall upon, are indeed deaf as Italian marble.

INSIDE THE MIND OF THE DISILLUSIONED LAW INTERN:
WHY LAW WAS "THE" MISTAKE

(1) I get bored too easily, and considering legal commentaries run into several hundred pages, I wanna drool all over them and drown in it;

(2) There are a lot of other things I can do, y'know, like take part in the administration, make the office look better, drink more coffee, sing, dance, help them organize so that the files don't have holes the size of three years in them, basically just entertain them...! I feel underutilized. Their HR didn't see me comin'!

(3) I feel that I'm much more creatively inclined, and law requires a rather stunted mentality, coupled with a more severely stunted outlook, all the same expecting you to maintain a holistic approach, which, quite frankly, is wholly contradictory and drives me nuts;

(4) I'm always wanting to write watertight confidentiality clauses, but apparently, things don't need to be as confidential as I'd like them to be;

(5) Law books are too fat. I'm actually thinner at the waist than some of them;

(6) We use the word "matter" more than molecular research scientists;

(7) I hate post-its;

(8) I spend more time formatting than I do drafting;

(9) The more I research, the further I find myself from the probable answer;

(10) Judges have too much time on their hands for poor interns to handle - I refuse to read a 400-word long judgment in a language that would put the combined forces of Wordsworth, Dostoevsky and Shakespeare to shame, only to discover that they (the judges, that is) did not think it fit to deliberate on the "merits of the case";

(11) There's nothing called integrity in the profession; even mandrakes are more self-respecting.

END NOTE: Unauthorized reproduction of the above is entirely encouraged in legal grapevine. Amen.